The Distractions
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JOHN E (Ex-Photog)
Wichita, Kansas

Apr 30, 2008 @ 5:16 PM

Johnny,Michelle,Mike & Randy, I've been in Kansas 5 weeks, and there are NO worthwhile bands up here. You spoiled me. I'm home sick for some GOOD tunes. Miche, I sent you a special package today via Johnny, via Hi-Stat (since I don't have your address). I hope you enjoy it. Hope to hear from you soon. John E. (Ex-Distracted Photographer)


Lips, the eighth Distraction
The Land of Big Al

Apr 21, 2008 @ 3:43 PM

A few harp player jokes to entertain you.

Q. Why do dogs howl when harmonica players play? A. They're trying to tell them how the song goes. Q. What do you call a harmonica players accompanist? A. Fido. Q. What do the best harmonica players have in common? A. They all suck. Q. What do you call a harmonica player who doesn't step all over the singers's lines? A. Deceased Q. What do you say at the end of a great harmonica solo? A. Thank God. Q. How many harmonica players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. Five. One to screw it in and four to determine if it should be in straight or cross position. Q. What do you call a harmonica player who says he knows what notes he's playing? A. A Liar Q. Why do harmonica players say they play a "harp"? A. So you won't think they play a "harmonica" or Harmonica is a four syllable word. Q. Which is better: electric guitar or harmonica? A. Electric guitar. You can't beat a harmonica player to death with a harmonica. Q. What do you call a harmonica player in a brand new suit? A. Dearly departed. Q. How Many Harmonic Players Does it take to change a lightbulb? A. Don't worry about the changes man, Just blow! Q. How do you know there's a harp player at your front door? A. He doesn't know when to come in and he can't find the key. Q. How to harmonica players traditionally greet each other? A. "Hi. I'm better than you." Q. What do you call a groupie who hangs around and annoys musicians? A. A harmonica player. Q. What is the difference between a harmonica and a '57 Chevy? A. You can tune a '57 Chevy. Q. If you threw a guitar player and a harmonica player off a cliff, which one would hit the ground first? A. The guitar player. The harp would have to stop halfway down to ask what key they're in. Q. How do you get a harp player to play softer? A. Give him some sheet music. Q. What do a vacuum cleaner and an amplified harmonica player have in common. A. Both suck when you plug them in. Q. How many Harp Players does it take to change a light bulb? A. None--they just steal somebody else's light. Q. What does it mean when a harmonica player is drooling out both sides of his mouth? A. The stage is level. These two harmonica players walk past a bar... Well, it could happen! A blues musician dies and goes to heaven. He is told "Hey man, welcome! You have been elected to the Blues All-Stars of Heaven--right up there with Muddy and the Wolf and Freddy King, all the greats. We have a gig tonight. Only one problem--God gets to play harmonica." Q. How many harp players does it take to change a lightbulb? A. Five. One to change the bulb and four to contemplate how Little Walter would have done it. Q. How many Harmonica Players does it take to change a lightbulb? A. Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds the right one. Q. What does a harp player do in his life's most tender moments? A. He puts his reverb on "slow". Q. Why were vintage guitar amplifiers invented? A. So the harp player would have a place to put his beer. A Guitar Player says to his wife, "Oh, baby, I can play you just like my guitar." His wife replies, "I'd rather have you play me like a harmonica!" There was a certain bartender who was quite famous for being able to accurately guess people's IQs. One night a man walked in and talked to him briefly and the bartender said, "Wow! You must have an IQ of about 140! You should meet this guy over here." So they talked for a while about nuclear physics and existential philosophy and had a great time. A second man walked in and soon the bartender has guessed about a 90 IQ for him. So he sat him down in front of the big-screen TV and he watched football with the other guys and had a hell of a time.

Then a third man stumbled in and talked to the bartender for a while. The bartender said to himself, "Jeez! I think this guy's IQ must be about 29!" He took him over to a man sitting at a little table back in the corner and said, "You might enjoy talking with this guy for a while."

After the bartender left, the man at the table said, "So, do you play Cross or Straight harp?" Q. Why don't Guitar players suffer from piles (haemorrhoids)? A. Because all the assholes are playing harmonicas. Q. What's the difference between a Guitar and a Harmonica? A. No-one minds if you spill beer on a Harmonica. This harmonica dies and goes to heaven. There's a long line at the pearly gates, and some dude is going around telling folks in line that they can check out Hell while they are waiting for their spot by just going over to the red elevator over there (points). "You know, if you don't like it, just get back on the elevator and come back up." so, the guy thinks to himself, "hey, gotta check it out...maybe it ain't so bad after all." so over he goes, gets into the elevator and down he goes... the elevator stops, he gets out and the Devil himself is there to show him around. So, off they go and pretty soon, he's thinking to himself that maybe this ain't so bad after all...they stop in at a nightclub, and there's a great little band inside who's playing their asses off. He spots some famous folks he knows... "Hey, ain't that Little Walter over there?" They leave, and he finally asks the Devil, "Wow, those cats were smokin'. This place is great! But one thing... there's got to be a catch to this...What is it?" The Devil turns to him and says, quite matter-of-factly, "No solos."


Johnny V

Mar 28, 2008 @ 10:43 AM

The Distractions go unplugged (almost) this weekend at Woody's River Roo. We've worked up some new material and reworked some of the old favorites. You can look forward to an intimate but energetic performance.


tony 9th distraction
meriden,ct

Mar 23, 2008 @ 1:48 PM

hey john and michelle, coming down friday and hope to see you sat night at the roo. if it's not too much trouble could you bring me something live to bring back? listened to "if i" just now. really miss it all and you. all the best, tony


Distracted Photographer - John E.

Feb 6, 2008 @ 10:15 AM

Hey, Johnny,Michelle, Mike, and Randy

I downloaded the pictures from a few weeks ago, but they sucked. I'll be at the next gig to take some mo better ones. laugh:

:


johnny v

Jan 15, 2008 @ 11:23 PM

We recorded the band in January and as promised we have loaded a bunch of music onto the website. We've also made these available for download so feel free to grab some Distractions live. This is us. No adding or correcting tracks in the studio. Taken right from the board and presented to you the way it was that night. Tracks available are;Game Of Love, Before He Cheats, Fire, Give A Damn's Busted, Good As Gone, Riviera Paradise and the mandolin solo from Maggie May.Hope you enjoy it!


Diane Thompson

Jan 14, 2008 @ 1:24 AM

Hey guys we missed you this week at woodys had it mixed up thought you were there on sat but found out you were not. Lauren and i took the whole darn family out to hear you but you were not ther and who ever they had till 12 midnight was not good and we did not even get up to dance ( now that is bad. Will try to keep your dates right for now on. have a good weekend and see you guys soon. Hey you did a great job on the this web site keep up the good work. xoxoxo Diane


Johnny v

Jan 9, 2008 @ 9:52 AM

Okay... so last weekend at Kirby's started with Suz and Kelly and then finished with Suz and Kelly. In between there was B & T Stryker, The Web Mistress, M & G Zeppelin in the jacket, Halloween Betty, Distracted Photographers and the Irish Lady, accompanied by the lovely lass Lauren, who asked me to whip out my little thing and play really fast and really good. So that made me wonder (with much anxiety) if my big thing was really slow and really bad? Turns out she was talking about my mandolin. (Stop right there..... before you go any further...) Thanks to all who made it out. Very much appreciated! FRIDAY Woody's River Roo Ellenton SATURDAY Farlow's Englewood Both Shows are 7 to 11 PM Other notes; Saturday's show was recorded so check the website www.thedistractionslive.com soon for new music including some unexpected but very amusing audience participation. Also new photos coming....you might just see yourself!


Diane Thompson

Jan 7, 2008 @ 9:27 AM

Hey Michelle and John

It was so nice to see you guys again at Kirbys Lauren and i had a great time dacning. Thanks for playing that song with your playing the little one ha ha You guys are a great band. See you guys at woodys coming up this week. xoxo Diane


johnny v
Ready for 2008

Jan 2, 2008 @ 1:21 PM

Happy New Year! Hope you all didn't over-indulge and that you behaved yourselves! Good. Your momma would be proud. You should also have the energy to get out and see The Distractions and listen to some music and catch the first shows of 2008. (Yes 2008. Remember, 2007 is over.) And if you did over do it during the holidays...well why stop now? Really? Who's going to know? We certainly won't tell! This Friday and Saturday January 4th and 5th Kirby's on Clark Road in Sarasota 9 PM to 1 AM.


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